Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Working Mom's Lament

Once upon a time, I wanted to stay-at-home with the boys to have more quality time with them, allow them the opportunity to sleep past 5:30 a.m., and allow myself the opportunity to volunteer at their school.  These were things my mom did with me and I hoped to one day be able to do them with my children.  While I was able to stay at home with the boys for a year, I feel as though it was not enough.  Now that we are back in the swing of school/work, Tim and Josh are both in elementary school and some days I feel as though my head is going to explode.  I miss waking up with my boys and making them lunch.  I miss walking them to school.  I miss being put together.

The grass is always greener on the other side.  It ALWAYS is.  When I was home with the boys, I missed teaching and completely lost myself.  I've always been "Sassy Berry," the teacher.  Being a stay-at-home mom was a new role--one that I'm not sure I adapted to very well.  That being said, it's overwhelming being a working mom and while I KNOW that being a stay-at-home mom is NEVER easy, some days I just wish that I was home with my boys.

I feel like I'm letting my children down--like I'm not the best mom that I can be.  Why?  Because I come home from work and I'm exhausted.  It's all I can do to get them to do their homework and get dinner on the table.  Yesterday, I made myself take them to the park--they biked and I pushed Danny in the stroller.  I had cleaning and laundry I needed to do, but I knew it was more important to spend good, quality time with my boys.

I'm trying to let things go--like the cleanliness of the house, but it's hard.  I want to spend time with my boys, but I also have a house to run.  It is what it is.  I am thankful that I have a job with the shortage of music jobs/programs in the county and state....I am thankful to have three beautiful boys.  I must keep swimming.  You do what you have to do to keep the family going.  We need a house, food, clothes....and I must provide for my family.  The glass is half full...  Just keep swimming...  I think I can, I think I can.....